We’ve scoured the internet on the lookout for great teacher jokes. This is what we found…

Bad Cold

Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

How was School?

Mother: How did you find school today?
Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was!

Test Results

Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!
Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!

Too Many Mistakes

Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Pupil: I get up early!

Teacher Bribe

A teacher was giving a big test one day to her pupils. She handed out all of the tests and went back to her desk to wait. Once the test was over the pupils all handed the tests back in. The teacher noticed that one of the pupils had attached a £100 note to their test and a comment saying “A quid per point.”
The next day, the teacher handed the tests back out, giving that one pupil their £64 change.

America

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.

Maths Troubles

Teacher: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.

Crocodile

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

Teacher: No, that’s wrong.
Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

H20

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

Fun in the Summer

The teacher wrote on the whiteboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”
“Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?”
“Get a boyfriend.” Paul replied.

Punishment

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mummy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”

On the Bottle

Teacher: Look, the equation is simple. If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 bottles in the other, what do I have?
Pupil: A drinking problem?
Teacher: No! The answer is 11 bottles! Eleven!
Pupil: That’s still a lot. You should maybe look into some counseling.

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